By: Graciela Ayala
The soft glow of street lamps
crawl through the blinds
and mark my face and body
with black and white horizons
The light attempted to fill the spaces
where the life had drained from my red eyes
My body laid as still as the silver stars outside
with arms and legs surrounded
by white remnants of the comfort I needed
Like ash blankets after a fire
soot covering charred remains
snow white tissues
attempted to keep me warm that night
The hour my heart fell asleep
was from the exhaustion of chasing the departed
With each rising breath
my heart pulled my eyes lower
Descending like a casket of what was
Like ice walking over a still river
silver from my eyes swelled until it fell
Like a snowflake, gently descending
into the silver rays from the sky
whose bright celestial hands catch the tears
and absorb it into themselves
Collected tears from pain
Will be used to bring life to something new
The number of apologies my ears bore from Them
Caused for silent excuses I needed to push further down
Those days alone
they would desperately claw my throat
as they tried to climb back
To allow for another chance
For those who aren’t even there
Every kick, scream, and reach
caused swollen red airways
Bleeding until I couldn’t breathe
couldn’t speak
Until my heart slowed and allowed the departed to die
With final words lost
because the darkness does not listen
Like rain extinguishing a fire
and allowing for scalding sprouts to grow
Ghost lie everywhere in my home
By my door lies cold cracks and bangs of slamming doors
Hitting our hearts
And doors left open
for those who left with no word
But still the silence deafens our ears
Causing fractures that travel through our bodies
Erupting with cold that paralyzes
until we were strung up with raw
red eyes and swollen tongues
that learned not to speak for the sake of survival
Ghosts by my window
Play the warm melodies of yesterday
flowing like my ribboned heart
Red, orange, and blue
surrounding us as we dance
Arms, hands, and feet moving to
the beats from our connected hearts
sending out life and blood to our memories
Bright white teeth with crooked smiles
Replay their alluring song
to brighten our ghost memory
There were twenty rings on my charred trunk
when I said goodbye
To the ghosts in my home
Memories left standing in their patches of warm and cold
must be left to burn in order to build anew
Ashes to ashes
Fire to stars
But the ghost memories still call out to me
And ask me to reach towards the departed once again
Their empty mouths still whisper my past to try and get me to stay
Before they can truly die
they plead out their one request
For the ones who caused their tears,
to be the one to wipe them
just one more time …